The fireworks are over, the confetti has been swept away and the collective hangovers of the world have faded, so it must be 2011.

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If you believe the nutbars that seem thicker than fleas on a southern hound dog, then this is the last year we’ll be around. The world is ending, the poles are flipping, the meteors have targeted our tiny blue-green planet and we’re all doomed. If you’re of a mind to believe them, then I suggest you move along, you don’t want to be spending your last 362 days on this planet reading a blog. Go rob a bank and take off to Mexico to live the high life while you still can. For those of you more inclined to believe that the Mayan calendar makers just didn’t get their contract renewed and walked off the job before they started a new calendar, I’ve got a few thoughts on where I think 2011 is going to take us.

Prediction #1

Data Entry errors will go up for the first 30 days, as thousands of people enter the wrong year on cheques, time cards, bills and spreadsheets.

Prediction #2

The economy will continue to suck, only there will be a new theory that it is a terrorist act that is destroying the world’s finances. Either Fox or CNN will agree with this idea, while the other network fiercely derides it as nonsense.

Prediction #3

Three high ranking government officials who were elected on a platform of family values will be revealed to have been having affairs, one of which will involve a llama. The llama will sell the story to a film studio and the movie will be called. “Llama lover, One man’s attempt to pull the wool over our eyes.”

Prediction #4

As the year progresses, the number of movies and TV programs dedicated to the 10,000 ways we can wind up dead will grow exponentially until even the reality shows get in on it. “Big Brothers, Bunker edition” “Survivor: Earth” and “So you think you can Dance your way through the apocalypse” will all hit the airwaves by September.

Prediction #5

My friend Robert Brockway’s book “Everything is Going to Kill Everybody” becomes the New York Times bestseller as it becomes the bible for every lunatic on the fringe of society. (P.S. I highly recommend it; It’s wonderfully funny & he’s a far better writer than I am!)

Prediction #6

The Four Horsemen will continue roaming the planet just as they always have, spreading War, Pestilence, Famine and misery. Natural disasters will unfold, and thanks to 24 hour a day news casts and the internet, thousands of people will claim there’s been a marked increase in natural disasters and strange happenings. All statistical evidence to the contrary will be ignored.

Prediction #7

Despite all the hype, hubbub and hoarding of toilet paper and freeze dried foodstuffs, the world will still be here in 2012 and beyond. Call me naive, overly optimistic or maybe just the teensiest bit sane, but I believe we’re not done here on the 3rd rock from our sun. If I did think we were doomed, then I’d be headed to Mexico, looking for a cabana boy named Jose and the biggest bottle of tequila I could find.