I know that over the past decade Twitter, Facebook, texting and the internet in general have been blamed for collectively hammering what was once an elegant language until it resembled a shambling mound of memes, leet speak, intentional typos and abbreviations so bizarre they require a cipher machine to decode. However, the death knell of the English language came not from these entities, but from a mega corporation whose main claim to fame is carmel coloured, carbonated, caffeinated water.

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So what did it? What slammed the last nail into English’s coffin? What could Pepsi’s Chairman and Chief Executive have possibly said that would bring the language of Shakespeare to its knees? "We see the emerging opportunity to 'snackify' beverages and 'drinkify' snacks as the next frontier in food and beverage convenience," Yes. She said snackify drinks and drinkify snacks. That muffled scream you just heard in the far, dark reaches of your brain? That was the sound of synapses snapping shut in horror.

Samuel Clemens once said “The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and the lightning bug.” If that is so, then the difference between English and such words as “Drinkify” is the difference between true language and the random squawking of a trained parrot. Both contain words, but only one of them carries any meaning. Now I am a writer, words are my artistic medium, the tools of my trade. Without the nuances of language I am as limited as a sculptor who is only provided with a stick of wood and a butter knife to create their masterpiece. It can be done, but the results are not going to be pretty.

Take some time today and count the number of times you see, hear or read modern lexicon that has crept out of its electronic cage and into our daily lives. Today, they want to drinkify snacks. Who knows what tomorrow may bring, but I am betting it isn’t going to make me LOL.